Whenever I am at the end of a depressive or anxious time in my life, I often wonder if I made it all up.

If I, someone who has been through difficult times with my mental health, question whether or not my depression or anxiety is real at times, it’s no wonder the stigma or disbelief exists around the invisible illnesses and health of our minds.

I talked about this with my therapist and she said,

“…it’s akin to trying to recall what it feels like to have the flu when healthy, or how it feels to be healthy when…

Chloe + Ethan, April 2019

When people ask me how it’s going with two kids, they’re likely thinking about the physical exhaustion. Thankfully, the physical burdens of motherhood have not been a debilitating issue for me. This isn’t a surprise as I have always been somewhat of a night owl, enjoying the adrenaline of all-nighters for work or play, powering through many situations without sleep, while sick, or with minimal food if necessary.

Emotionally though, I have not always been as resilient, especially during big transitions. …

Me, Chloe & Ethan (in my belly)

Growing up with two siblings, I never considered having just one child. With all the ups and downs my brother, sister and I have faced, all the massive fights and seasons of closeness and distance, I could not imagine my life without them. They provide a foundation for my identity and existence in this world that I truly could not imagine being without.

So, naturally after we had Chloe there was no doubt in my mind we should have more!

But of course, as life always does…

Curveball #1: as we prepare for our second baby’s arrival in about 2…

“…in a few years, I want your life.”

A friend a few years younger than me actually said this to me at Chloe’s first birthday party a year and a half ago.

It crushed me.

Despite the dreamlike partyscape I had created with pastels and rose gold throughout our home, my mental health was in pieces.

Sadness has been a constant companion of mine since I was young and I almost think I romanticize it at times to make it more bearable. Actually, growing up, I thought my mother was the same way as she had a proclivity towards wildflowers…

Summer 2017 in Madison. Grandpa always kept a watchful eye on Chloe.

My father-in-law, Mike, died very suddenly last Monday.

He was refereeing a youth soccer game, something he loved to do ever since my husband, Ryan, was growing up. Apparently, he collapsed on the field. He wasn’t running, nor did someone run into him, he just fell down and doctors believe he died almost immediately. He was in great health. We need to wait a month for the official coroner’s report, so there are many questions still lingering that start with “Why…”

Mike’s patience, kindness and genuine interest in people made it infectious to be around him. He listened with no…

Chloe’s 100 days falls on Valentine’s Day. This is a significant milestone in Korean culture; back in the day it marked the day when babies were no longer in a vulnerable newborn state and could now be introduced to the world outside their home. We were trying to figure out a Korean name and once we realized this lovely coincidence, we decided to give her the name 사랑 (pronounced Sah-Lahng). It means love.

The love you immediately feel for your child is entirely foreign and completely natural at the very same time. A similar tension seems to bleed into a lot of what it takes to raise a baby based on my very short experience so far.

Sleepless nights, which in any other circumstance would render me useless, leave me energized and ready to take care of anything and everything my darling baby Chloe asks for.

My ever deepening relationship with Chloe currently comes at the cost of time with others and for myself.

The joy and pride I feel as I see…

photo source: The Washington Post

I will miss President Obama deeply. His empathy, kindness, intelligence, willingness to adjust his viewpoints, and straight up swagger captured so many hearts and minds. He made politics feel relevant and real for the first time ever.

When he was elected into office in 2008, I was going through an incredibly difficult time personally. The night he got elected was the first night in two years when I felt a sense of hope and excitement towards the future. I was inspired thinking if he could fight off all his naysayers and become POTUS, I could get over my own self-doubt…

Sweaty from the steady boil of a humid, air condition-less New York City summer night, I got out of bed to take a shower and head to another joyless day of work. I peeled my sheer white tank top and cotton underwear off and rolled them up into a ball to toss them into the beige, Rubbermaid laundry basket that sat in the corner of my studio apartment. As I looked to make my usual shot, I noticed my laundry basket had disappeared. I could no longer see it. It had erupted and streams of dirty clothes had steadily taken…

Diana Kim

seoul. NYC. prague. SF.

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